


Building Bridges

by m_ira



Category: Eurovision Song Contest RPF, The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa Eurovision AU, Eurovision, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 17:54:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14623992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/m_ira/pseuds/m_ira
Summary: »She had been very aware that Eurovision somehow always managed to become a very gay event, sometimes because of the content, sometimes because of the fans. She hadn’t been aware that she could trump all of that and feel like the gayest part of Eurovision this year.«A Clexa Eurovision AU





	Building Bridges

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all of you! Happy Eurovision Week!
> 
> Clarke is a butter churner from Poland. You can watch the entry here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJ920cN2HmA
> 
> Lexa is an air violinist from Slovenia. You can watch the entry here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1c7gDOaFY0
> 
> Dialouge written in italics symbolizes that it is spoken in their native language. Otherwise they speak in English.
> 
> And now: have fun and may the clexa eurovision au begin!

_And there’s a silent storm inside me_

_Looking for a home_

_I hope that someone’s gonna find me_

_And say that I belong_

\- Silent Storm, Carl Espen

 

She had been very aware that Eurovision somehow always managed to become a very gay event, sometimes because of the content, sometimes because of the fans. She hadn’t been aware that she could trump all of that and feel like the gayest part of Eurovision this year.

But it slapped her in the face just now, during their first day of rehearsals, when she used her little break to sneak away, initially to take a peek at the stage before it was their turn, but now completely caught off guard by the Polish contestants performing. Or rather by that one blonde girl sitting at the edge of the stage in a traditional dress with the godliest cleavage Lexa had ever seen, while passionately pretending to churn butter. Lexa didn’t know that churning butter could be done in such a sexual way. She didn’t mind at all finding out right now.

So there she stood like a dumbfounded idiot at the edge of the arena, right next to the stage, goosebumps on her skin and jaw slack. Enamored by how the rapping and the sound of the accordion made the blonde girl move.

The few people scattered around the big room clapped after the final tune and when she started clapping too, the girl turned her head towards her and smiled a thankful smile. Lexa felt like melting into a rainbow colored puddle right that instant.

Her heart beat picked up when she realized that the Polish girls were done performing and headed her way to enter the backstage area towards the dressing rooms. Lexa awkwardly smiled at them and gave a shy “hi” a few times, but nearly choked on her saliva upon seeing who the person last to leave the stage was.

And she became even more of a mess when said person stopped in front of her with a big smile instead of following the others.

“Hi! I am Clarke.”

“H-hi.”

“I am so glad to run into you! I saw you last week at the party when we were in Amsterdam for the tour and just – I really wanted to introduce myself then but didn’t have the courage.”

“I – oh.” Lexa was surprised to say the least. A girl – Clarke – a girl like Clarke, had noticed her and had wanted to talk to her? Unexpected. “Well, I am happy to meet you now. I am Lexa.”

She held out her hand and Clarke grabbed it with a sweet smile and slightly pink cheeks.

“It’s so nice to meet you. You are from Slovenia right?”

“Yeah, and you from Poland?”

Clarke looked down at her dress which was red and white and Lexa tried to keep her own gaze from following. “Obviously”, Clarke laughed and picked at the red fabric covering her upper legs. “Raven wanted to go all in with our costumes.”

“Raven sings, right?”

“Yep, that’s her.”

“It sounds amazing when she raps in Polish. So passionate. It just doesn’t come out as much in the English parts.”

“Yeah, I think so too. But you know, internationality.” Clarke chuckled again and Lexa smiled at her.

“Clarke!”, a voice called from behind Lexa and she flinched in surprise, before turning around and seeing one of the polish dancers. She said something containing the word “interview” and Clarke answered with a simple “okay” and the girl disappeared again.

“So... it was nice to talk to you.” Clarke murmured while slightly inching past Lexa and towards the exit, while Lexa rubbed at her neck awkwardly.

“Yes. Thank you for introducing yourself.”

“When do you have rehearsals? Maybe I have time to watch?”

“Oh. In- in a bit. I think the Netherlands and Israel and then it is our turn. But, please don’t, I’ll get too nervous, when someone I know is watching.”

“You do realize that 200 million people watch Eurovision, right?”

“Please don’t remind me. God.” She hid her face behind her hand and Clarke laughed again. “I am not used to dancing in front of people.”

“I am sure you will be fine. Okay, I have to hurry. See you around, Lexa.” She touched her arm in a farewell gesture and gave her one last smile before hurrying past her.

After a little while of processing and getting her heart beat under control Lexa headed back towards their dressing room, which was stuffed with their team. As soon as she slipped in Anya looked up from her phone, eyed her for a second, before letting her phone sink to rest on her thigh.

“ _Shit. What did you do?”_ she asked suspiciously.

“ _Me? Nothing. I swear.”_

But Anya’s head tilted and a wrinkle appeared on her forehead. She whispered: “ _Did you meet a cute girl and become a gay mess and fell in love with her?_ ”

 _“No!_ ” she put her hands up in defense. _“I mean... yes, I met a girl, but I didn’t – I did not fall in love with her!”_

_“For fuck’s sake, Lexa! I can’t let you out of my sight for one second, because every time I do you fall helplessly in love with a straight girl and get in trouble.”_

_“That happened once!”_

_“Three times.”_ Anya deadpanned. They both looked at Lincoln who sat quietly on the couch. He shrugged at them and held three fingers up. Lexa let out an annoyed sigh and Anya pointed a finger at her.

_“No more breaks for you without supervision, someone has to protect your fragile little heart from the cruel straight world, and if you can’t do that on your own, I’ll make sure to take care of it.”_

_“Ugh. Not fair.”_ She slumped down on the couch and made a face, although inwardly was glad to have such an amazing woman looking out for her. But – Clarke gave her a vibe. Okay, she was always sure about getting a vibe and then... then she had to cut ties with too many people, because she got outed as the sinful homosexual and became a literal outcast. It was hard to live in such surroundings and still feel good about herself. To feel normal and okay. Anya and Lincoln made sure she could be herself around them and they reminded her to love every part of herself, just like they loved her fully. Thankfully their team and the broadcasting station who had selected them to compete belonged to the good kind of people as well.

After a moment of sulking on the couch she got up to change into her tight costume behind a curtain in the corner of the room before starting with some warm up exercises.

“ _Hey Lincoln, since I am not allowed to leave, would you mind grabbing me a coffee?”_

Lincoln immediately got up and placed the tablet on which he was studying the choreography they had recorded two weeks ago on the couch. “ _Sure. Do you want something, Anya?_ ”.

Anya stopped warming up her voice. _“I’m good. Just hurry. Soundcheck is in 15 minutes._ ”

He nodded and cast a questioning gaze around the room but everyone shook their head and resumed their tasks, tension high and the buzzing of excitement in the air. The rehearsals were crucial and Lexa knew how much work everyone had already put into this. She knew how much work _she_ had already put into this; she was a little bit out of her element when it came to dancing in front of an audience. But Anya had begged, so of course she had agreed.

But although she wanted to concentrate and enter the right mindset, she wasn’t yet able to get Clarke completely out of her head. Probably because she didn’t want to focus yet. Sure, later, she would effortlessly put her game face on, but now she still allowed her mind to wander. To dream a little and think about how she might bump into Clarke again. What she would like to say and ask and do.

The next ten minutes were spent going through her performance with a few of her team members, as if she hadn’t memorized it completely already. Anya sang along to the audio playing, and Lexa let her body flow to the music.

They had just finished the song a second time when Lincoln came back. Empty handed. Eyes unfocused and a dreamy smile curling his lips upwards. While Lexa was still wondering where the hell he hid her coffee, Anya was already onto the answer and let out a desperate groan.

 _“You too?”_ she whined.

Lexa had to laugh when Lincoln gave her a guilty nod. Anya just knew them too well to even try denying it.

 _“You are both useless.”_ came out in a mumble. She then grabbed her stuff and opened the door to head over to the soundcheck.

The rest of the team chuckled and then followed her. Lexa gave Lincoln a disappointed look as she took a water bottle from the table but winked, when it looked like he thought she was seriously disappointed.

 _“So, which country is she from?”_ she asked as they walked next to each other.

 _“Poland._ ”

_“God, you too?”_

Lincoln chuckled in disbelief. _“I hope it’s not the same girl then.”_

_“Blonde girl named Clarke?”_

Lincoln lifted his hand to wipe his eyebrow while exhaling. “ _Octavia. Dark hair, gorgeous personality, gorgeous humor, gorgeous body, just... gorgeous.”_

_“And wants to sabotage our performance by withholding coffee from me.”_

Embarrassment covered Lincoln’s face and he looked away for a second. “ _I kind of... didn’t even make it to the coffee machine. I bumped into her on my way there.”_

 _“God, you really are useless.”_ Lexa laughed and gave him a little shove. She then hurried to catch up with Anya on a mission to lift her mood and ease her tenseness.

\-----

The rehearsal went quite well. Anya slayed the vocals, Lincoln delivered a magnificent performance on the piano and Lexa only wavered once during their third try, after she spotted Clarke sitting alone in a seat at the edge of the arena.

Anya gave her and Lincoln a satisfied nod. _“Great. We should review the footage as soon as possible and see where we can improve. In two days, when we rehearse again, we have a meeting to decide which camera angles we want to have broadcasted.”_ She then turned to cast one last look at the arena before entering the backstage area again, content smile on her face.

“ _Hey Anya, is it okay, if I go talk to Clarke for a second?”_ Lexa asked awkwardly, while first tapping Anya’s shoulder and then pointing into Clarke’s direction. An eye roll was the response.

“ _You don’t have to be at the interview, since you are only a background dancer. But next time I am coming with, so I can intimidate her a little.”_

 _“Sure, Anya.”_  Lexa shared a look with Lincoln. _“Have fun with the interviews.”_

After getting off the stage she headed for the spot where Clarke was still sitting and awaiting Lexa with a smile. She had changed out of her costume and was wearing jeans and a grey t-shirt with a v-neck, while her hair was out of her bun and wild and wavy.

 _“_ I don’t think you are allowed to sit here”, Lexa said in greeting.

But Clarke just shrugged and grinned at her. “So... air violin, huh?”

“I- yeah.”

“I absolutely love it!”

“Really?”

“Totally.” Clarke got up and pointed towards the backstage area, since a staff member shot them a disapproving glance. They slowly walked next to each other. “Is that, like, a profession? Or how did you end up doing that?”

Lexa laughed. “No. No, I am a violinist with the orchestra in Ljubljana.”

“Wow. Impressive.”

She blushed. “Anya and Lincoln, who are here with me, are pretty popular in my country. They made a couple of albums and since we grew up together I always helped them when they needed a violinist. So I recorded a new song with them a few months ago and one thing led to another until I got a call from Anya saying that they would go to Eurovision.” She paused, while holding the door open for Clarke, so they could slip backstage. Once through it, they leaned against the makeshift wall on the left, that had the purpose to create a hallway.

“Lincoln had the idea to spice the performance up with an air violin. They literally begged me to do it. I took dance lessons for over ten years, but never much in front of other people, you know? But who am I to turn down Eurovision? Isn’t that everybody’s biggest dream without actually being their biggest dream?”

Clarke smiled at her. “Yes, totally, that is how I ended up here, too. If you get asked, of course you say yes.”

“Who asked you?”

“Raven. She is my best friend and needed another girl with nice boobs. Apparently I was in the forefront of her mind.” She replied and Lexa got distracted by the way Clarke readjusted her cleavage by pulling at her shirt.

When her eyes shot back up and landed on Clarke’s smirk she blushed and mumbled “Can’t tell why.”, which earned her a snort from the blonde. She inwardly reprimanded herself for letting her gay show. In an attempt to stir the conversation away from Clarke’s magnificent breasts she asked “So does that mean you are not a butter churner in real life?” with faux surprise.

“No, sadly not.” A sigh. “I’m actually a nurse. Can’t wait to get back to work after doing that on international television.”

“What? Churning butter?”

“Yes, exactly, all my elder patients will reprimand me for my bad technique.”

They smiled at each other and Lexa felt so warm and happy and overwhelmed inside, because talking to Clarke came so naturally and she felt completely comfortable with just being herself, which hadn’t happened in a long long while. She yearned for more already. But her costume was super tight and people were running by them constantly while chattering loudly in a ton of different languages and she just wanted a more private setting. Something that felt more like a planned tête-à-tête instead of a chance encounter.

She rubbed her palms against the fabric covering her stomach and legs and turned her head to chance a short glance in the direction of the dressing rooms. Clarke picked up on the mood change immediately.

“Oh shit, sorry, am I keeping you?” she asked with wide eyes.

“No, no, not at all. I just –“ she picked at her costume again. “really would love to change. I am not used to wearing stuff like this.”

“Oh, of course, then –“

“Maybe we could hang out tonight? I mean... like, maybe my crew and your crew could go out for drinks or something?” Lexa rushed out. She didn’t want Clarke to think that it was a date thingy. Although it obviously was in her mind, but she didn’t want Clarke to feel uncomfortable. She hadn’t quite figured out Clarke’s intentions yet and whether she just imagined the tension between them. Quite frankly, she was super scared that the other girl would stop talking to her or even look at her as soon as she found out that Lexa was gay.

Despite the urge to spend some time with Clarke alone and not surrounded by a bunch of people, there simultaneously was an immense pressure to stay in hiding, to be one of many and have the chance to slip behind her friends. Opening up was just... a scary thought. Vulnerability was something she didn’t do anymore. And she felt like Clarke could lure that part out of her and then crush her hopes.

She bit her lip and waited for Clarke’s answer, unsure of herself. But Clarke smiled and said “Oh my god, yes, that is a great idea!” while gesturing with her hands in a cute and excited way.

“I would love to meet the rest of your delegation.”, Clarke continued. “Why don’t you give me your number and I’ll look for a place where we could hang out tonight?” 

Lexa nodded and smiled as Clarke handed her the phone she had taken out of her back pocket.

“Okay, here you go.” The brunette responded once finished.

“See you tonight?”

“Yes, definitely.” Lexa couldn’t stop smiling. And staring. And was kind of forgetting that she was supposed to leave in the direction of her dressing room now. But Clarke was just very mesmerizing. “Okay.” She said more to herself than to Clarke. “Bye.”

With that she turned around, gave an awkward wave and walked away.

\-----

The next four days were kind of a blur of happiness and stress. Lexa and the rest of her delegation (she had even been able to convince Anya to come, mostly because she wanted to babysit Lexa) had met up with Clarke and her team on Tuesday night in a cozy bar tucked into a hidden corner of the city, resulting in an unforgettable night. Anya and Raven had bumped heads at first, but then it had transformed into this weird tension full of intense stares and banter and heated discussions ending in satisfied smirks and Clarke and Lexa had giggled and fussed about it from a safe distance.

Clarke. God Clarke. Lexa was convinced by now that she was literally flung out of space. A human formed out of sunshine and infinity and so complex that a whole armada was needed to figure her out. Lexa couldn’t get enough of her. They had slipped away into a quiet booth after a while of analyzing Anya and Raven and the words had just flowed out of them. Clarke had told her about losing her dad and best friend the previous year, Lexa had let her know that she, Anya and Lincoln had grown up together in an orphanage, that she felt lonely and lost very often and like she hadn’t yet found her purpose in life.

Later they had danced and laughed and mocked Octavia and Lincoln, who couldn’t look away from each other. Later they had shared a cab back to their hotels, which were only a few minutes apart, with Clarke half asleep and resting her head on Lexa’s shoulder. Later Lexa had dreamt again after months of dreamless nights.

They had texted a bit during the next day full of press and preparations and on Thursday during the second rehearsal they had spent as much time as they could together. Both delegations had welcomed each other like old friends, sparking the interest of the other contestants and instigating an impromptu music explosion in the hallway during a few minutes of free time.

Today, on Saturday, Slovenia was one of the first delegations to arrive at the venue and Lexa breathed in the quietness and emptiness of the hallways, bathed in the calm and relaxing atmosphere before the day started. She wasn’t used to this sort of event and the preparations that came with it and her body let her feel it now. She wasn’t used to all the noise and people pushing her from one location to another, giving her no time to think and process and reflect, like it was her habit.

On top of the contest and all the emotions evoked by it, there was Clarke. And it was hard to digest what she wanted and felt when everything around her kept moving at such a fast pace. She just knew that a pull existed, an urge to be near her, to talk to her, to open up. To listen and observe and learn everything about the other girl. She knew that this was special and should be honored and fought for.

A prickling need to keep her in her life in some capacity once this was over. All in all, a primal instinct to cherish the thing that made her feel less alone in the world. That was really her priority, because for deeper thoughts she had no time. Of course she was attracted to her and sometimes it felt like time stopped when Clarke moved and laughed, but... it was just too big of a mess to figure out. Internally and externally. So she didn’t. Instead she daydreamed in front of the coffee machine, music plugged into her ears and fingers tapping against her leg in sync with the rhythm.

When Clarke appeared in front of her she jumped a little, but relaxed once she saw that wonderful smile and her sparkling eyes. The other girl leaned against the table that held the coffee machine and Lexa pulled at one of her ear plugs until it fell and dangled from her neck.

“Hey you.” Clarke greeted.

“Hi.” She breathed back.

“Do you have such a busy schedule today as well? Things are starting to feel real.”

“Yeah. Yeah, they really are.”

Clarke moved away from the coffee machine when Lexa gestured towards it.

“Do you want one, too?”

“Yes, please.” Clarke quietly watched as she tapped the various buttons, with Lexa humming along to the music still tumbling into her ear. “What are you listening to?”

“Oh- uhm. My Eurovision playlist?”

“For real?” Clarke asked with a laugh.

“Yes, a collection of my all-time favorites.”

“That is amazing! Which one are you listening to right now?”

“Russian grannies.”

“Aww, nice. Party for everybody!” Clarke began to sing while rolling her hips a little and Lexa had to giggle at the display.

“What else do you have?”

“Oh, uhm.” Lexa took a break in preparing the two cups of coffee and handed Clarke her phone to check out the playlist. Scrolling down the list, Clarke nodded approvingly and started commenting on every other song she liked as well. As they headed back towards the dressing rooms they started discussing a few songs and Clarke got endearingly passionate about defending Dustin the Turkey, calling it “the good kind of trashy” while at the same time having a lack of understanding for Lexa’s love of Verka Serduchka.

But Lexa didn’t mind at all, instead she just couldn’t help but smile when realizing what a dork Clarke could be.

“The song doesn’t even have a proper text, Lexa! While “Douze Pointe” literally starts with ‘I come from a nation what knows how to write a song’ and – what?” she stopped with a confused gaze, because Lexa kept grinning like an idiot.

“It’s just – you are really cute, when rambling about turkeys and drag queens.” Lexa answered and then tried to hide her blush behind her cup of coffee. The attempt failed miserably, because the sip she took was so hot that she burned her tongue and had to cough. Inwardly she face palmed. Clarke just giggled at her.

“And you are really cute, like, all the time.” she answered with a smile. It made Lexa blush even more and she didn’t know how to respond so she just continued walking, while Clarke winked at her and hopped along.

She cleared her throat when reaching the Slovenian dressing room. “So... that’s my stop. We have so much to do today, so we probably won’t see much of each other. But tomorrow is the opening ceremony and Anya suggested that I should come, too. Are you gonna be there as well?”

Initially she had wanted to decline Anya’s offer immediately. But then she had realized going there would probably be another opportunity to see Clarke and as an additional bonus to see Clarke dressed up and up close and that didn’t sound so bad.

“Yes, I am definitely gonna be there.” Clarke nodded. “Raven needs her hype girls and by hype girls I mean boob girls.” The clarification was supported by an eye roll. “But – I actually wanted to ask, if you have time to hang out tonight? Just the two of us? I just – really would like to spend some more time with you and I guess the next few days will be super busy, so... what do you think?”

Lexa was sure that her heart rate had doubled in the last few seconds. Clarke wanted to do something just with her. Magnificent, smart, pretty, funny Clarke. The girl she was super attracted to. And again she wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be a friendly straight hangout or well – a date. God, sometimes she wished that everyone who wasn’t straight would wear a giant fucking rainbow stamp on their foreheads, so she would just fucking know for once instead of analyzing every single detail. This gaydar thing was such a rude myth, it drove her nuts. Naturally, she went with the hetero scenario and forced herself to calm the fuck down. Just two friends spending time together. No big deal. Stop making it a big deal and just answer.

“Yes, I’d love to.” came out accompanied by a sweet smile.

“Great. Awesome! I’ll text you later to figure out a time and place?” Clarke clapped her hands together giddily and Lexa responded with a nod. When she was about to turn around and reach for the door handle of her dressing room with her free hand, Clarke moved towards her and enveloped her in a short and tight hug. It was over so fast, that Lexa had still been rigid and in a state of ‘too much body contact for my gay ass’ before actually getting a chance to enjoy it. That sucked.

“Bye, Lexa, see you later” was said for parting and Clarke gave her arm a last squeeze. Lexa mumbled out a goodbye and wondered how it was possible to be 24-years old and still incapable of handling basic human interactions with pretty girls.

\-----

Their head of delegation was more than satisfied with their rehearsal and Anya shot Lexa a huge and happy smirk that she just couldn’t seem to wipe out of her face, which was unusual, since she was known for her resting bitch face. It made Lexa feel so proud to be able to support her best friend, the closest thing she had to a sister, on this journey.

She was so happy to help out and be part of the experience. A part of history. Although at first she had kinda dreaded it to dance, she started to love it more every single day. It was a complete change of perspective in a way, because now she did not play the violin but instead she became it. Her body was the instrument of the song and it connected her to her own music in a way that hadn’t happened before. Her violin transformed into a dance and not a play and it made her mind feel funny things to see music from a different angle. She had always been a dancer. She had always been a violinist. But those two worlds, these two sides of her, clashed for the first time.

It was weird how electrifying this trip was. She felt more alive than she had in years and in the back of her mind she was sure that Anya had asked her to be part of it for that reason, too. Because Anya worked like that. Silently watching Lexa get stuck and brood and one day pulling up at her house and introducing change with force.

Lexa knocked Anya’s shoulder with her own as they strolled through the backstage area and weaved their way through the other delegations. “ _Thanks for bringing me, Ahn_.”

At Anya’s slightly confused face, because she kinda was coming with this out of nowhere, she gave a shy smile. “ _Just... I haven’t felt this much purpose and energy in months and I know you have been looking for an occasion to pull me out of my hole for a while and... wow, you fucking delivered._ ” She raised her hands with palms pointed upwards. “ _Freakin’ Eurovision._ ”

All she got as a respond was a shoulder knock back. Then, after a few more steps: “ _I don’t know what you mean. I just needed a dancer. And you were decent enough and easy to get._ ”

Lexa rolled her eyes and clutched her heart. “ _Such praise_ ” she breathed dramatically and Anya smirked. “ _But seriously. I know you. So thanks. And I am immensely proud of you, by the way. I think I haven’t said that yet._ ”

Anya groaned and turned around to call for Lincoln who picked up his pace immediately to catch up with them. “ _Save me from this ball of emotions. God, so soft and squishy all the time._ ” 

Lexa leaned forward to look past Anya and catch Lincoln’s gaze. “ _I was just saying how proud I am of her._ ”

Lincoln grinned at her. “ _I think maybe we should show her how proud we are with a hug and not with words.”_

 _“Yes, great idea!_ ” Lexa confirmed.

Anya looked mortified. “ _No. Don’t you dare._ ” When they both stopped walking and reached out with their arms, she groaned. _“Don’t you dare!_ ”

But Lincoln pressed her face against his chest and Lexa attached herself to Anya’s back and squeezed her, while a content hum left her throat. After a moment of stiffness she felt Anya relax, too.

“ _So proud, Ahn.”_ She murmured and they both held onto her for a while longer. When they let go Anya rolled her eyes and although she tried to look unamused, there was a little smile tugging at the corner of her lips and her eyes were just – soft. She pointed a finger at Lincoln. _“You are nearly worse than Lexa.”_

 _“And although you know it, you still call me every time Lexa gets touchy-feely_.” He shrugged, before catching up to the rest of their delegation with a smile.  

Lexa tugged at Anya’s arm and urged her to continue walking, but let go of her after only a few steps when she felt her phone vibrating in her pocket, so she pulled it out and checked, finding a text from Clarke that suggested a place and time and ended with a little heart emoji. She was so fucked.

Suddenly Anya didn’t seem to be such a big advocate for personal space anymore, because she literally shoved her head between Lexa’s and her phone. _“Who’s texting you?”_

_“Anya!”_

_“What?”_ she asked innocently, leaning back a little. Lexa pressed her phone against her chest and a blush crept up her cheeks.

_“Awww... I know that look. It’s Clarke, right?”_

The only response Lexa could give her was a panicked expression. She touched her face with her free hand. _“Look? What look?! God, no.”_ She felt helplessness rise in her chest. “ _Hearteyes?”_

 _“Hearteyes.”_ Anya confirmed with an empathic nod.

 _“God, I am so fucked._ ” Came out in a groan and instead of taking the next few steps towards the dressing room, she pulled Anya in the direction of the bathrooms, to have a little more privacy. Panic started to knock against her heart, because apparently her body was way ahead of her emotions. She had desperately tried to suppress the stuff she felt for Clarke, but – this was more than she dared to admit. And on top of it she felt guilty, because Clarke probably just looked for a genuine friendship and here she was. Feeling more. And just – as an additional thought – fuck internalized homophobia, fuck it, fuck it.

Once through the bathroom door, she pressed her back against the wall and closed her eyes and concentrated on her breathing.

 _“Hey, Lex, it’s okay.”_ Anya murmured and after a moment Lexa felt a hand on her shoulder. Before opening her eyes, she let her head tip forward to avoid Anya’s gaze.

 _“No, Ahn. It’s – getting serious”_ she pressed her right hand against her chest _“in here. And... yeah, okay, I was crushing on Clarke since the minute I saw her, but it was just easy and like – appreciating the beauty of women. Clarke was like this unreachable person I could admire from afar before fleeing back into my shell in Orle, Slowenia. But now, now I am yearning. Now I don’t want to flee back and cherish this as a memory. I don’t want this to end yet and it makes me afraid. And I am afraid of Clarke and that she wants to spend time with me and that she is probably just looking for a friend and... I should be focusing only on you and our performance and – “_

 _“Lexa. Breathe.”_ And she did. She stopped rambling as soon as Anya interrupted her and it already felt less chaotic in her brain from just letting it out. _“Look, kid. First of all, don’t worry about me and our song. You have been a performer all your life and your head is always in the game at the right time. And secondly – I know, I’m probably not the right person to say this, since feelings really are a thing I tend to avoid, a lot more than you, but I know why you do it and you know why I do it and how fucked up our past is, so, to get to the point: Lexa, it is not bad or weak to feel. Love is not weakness. I mean, look at us. You and Lincoln are the only reason I am standing here today. In fact, I think it makes you immensely strong and brave to be so open. You easily connect with people and care about them and I admire you so much that you can still do that. It’s okay that you like Clarke. And it’s okay to enjoy spending time with her as long as we are here or even longer. And I know that you’re afraid of wanting someone again and of getting hurt, but it doesn’t always end in pain. You have to keep trying instead of hiding from the world. And I think it’s good that you realize that you can’t go on like this at home.”_

Lexa simply nodded along to Anya’s words and wiped at the few tears that were about to escape. It had been a while since she had gotten so overwhelmed with her feelings. Probably because she had suppressed most of them for so long that the floodgates just about exploded now, due to this unique Eurovision experience and this unique Clarke experience. The realization above all was probably the one that had been in her subconscious for a while and that she had actually voiced out loud to Clarke a few nights ago, for the first time in forever: she felt lonely and she felt lost. And she wanted to change that and maybe being optimistic and bold was the way to do it.

Anya gave her shoulder another squeeze before letting her arm fall to her side. “ _Just... don’t get your hopes up too much with Clarke and enjoy the time you two spend together, okay?”_

Lexa nodded. _“She wants to hang out with me tonight, just the two of us, and I guess I am freaking out a little bit.”_

 _“She asked you out?“_ Anya looked thrown off for a second.

_“It probably is only a friends thing. It can’t be more. I mean... I am still hoping it is more, though.”_

_“You should just ask her.”_ Anya suggested.

Lexa gave her a nod. _“Yeah, maybe I should do that. Depending on how the night develops. I don’t want to make a fool out of myself.”_

_“Already accomplished.”_

_“Anya!”_ But Anya just gave her a proud grin and Lexa had to laugh. She cast a look at her watch. _“Come on, jerk, you will be late for your press thingy, because of me.”_

\-----

“Okay, wow. Hi. I mean. Can I just say that you have absolutely gorgeous hair?” Clarke said with complete awe in her voice in greeting as Lexa made her way over to her where she stood outside the little bar they had decided to meet at. She couldn’t help how her lips stretched into a wide smile and she reached out with both her hands to comb through her hair self-consciously, adjusting the way it flowed over her right shoulder.

Clarke smiled back at her and Lexa gave herself a second to just take her in. She was wearing black high heel sneakers with light blue ripped jeans and a simple grey baggy shirt with a wonderful neckline, accenting her boobs in the nicest way. And god, the way her eyeliner made her blue eyes shine even brighter and her curly blonde hair and – wow.

“Thanks, Clarke.” She murmured. “You look very pretty. Just like always.”

This earned her another smile and Lexa took the remaining steps towards the door to open it for Clarke so they could both slip in. At the bar they ordered their drinks and Clarke insisted on paying for the both of them, just shaking her head and laying her hand on top of Lexa’s as she was about to reach for her purse, while continuing to animatedly tell Lexa about her rehearsal this morning.

With their drinks in hand they shuffled over to a table tucked into a corner, creating a bit of distance between them and the buzzing the various other guests created.

“So, what does Anya think of our song?”

“Oh.” Lexa laughed. “She thinks you guys really need to find Jesus.”

“Well, I’ll suggest it to our broadcaster for next year.” Clarke joked.

“But seriously, I think she admires Raven. I saw that she downloaded her album right after we got home on Tuesday night.”

“Really? Does she look like she wants to commit murder when admiring someone?”

“Yep. That’s Anya.”

“Wait, does that mean she admires me, too?”

“Nah, you she does want to kill.”

“Oh, okay. And how can you tell the difference?”

“I can’t.”

Clarke snorted at that.

“She literally always looks pissed.”

“Well, she doesn’t look pissed when she’s on stage or talking to you and Lincoln.”

“Yeah, true, sometimes her lips twitch upwards a millimeter.” She chuckled. “Okay, no, I’m joking. She just – it takes her a lot of time to warm up to other people. But she really enjoyed it the other night.”

“You mean she enjoyed Raven.”

“Yeah.”

“Only Raven.”

“Yeah, probably. Sorry.” She rested her cheek against her propped up hand.

“No, it’s fine. I mean – I’d love to get to know her better, but like, I’m just really hoping that you and I are gonna stay in contact. And that befriending Anya will just happen naturally over time.”

Lexa’s heart sped up at that. “I’d love to stay in contact with you, too.”

“Good.” Clarke smiled. “Then it’s a deal?” She held out her hand for Lexa to shake and after Lexa rolled her eyes and tried to fight the fond smile that stretched her lips, she reached out to take it.

“Deal.” She whispered. 

Something warm settled in her stomach after that and she felt utterly relaxed and content next to Clarke in a bar in a foreign country. All nerves from earlier were gone, now that she was here. It felt just like Tuesday, when they had talked for hours.

And that’s how most of this night went by, too. They joked around, shared funny stories and sad ones and time just flew by for Lexa, so mesmerized was she with the way Clarke articulated herself. A few times Clarke reached out to touch her hair or squeeze her arm, or she would stop in the middle of telling a story, eyes sparkling and nearly falling out of her chair, in such a rush to grab Lexa’s hand and pull her to the dance floor so they could dance to a song that was without a doubt one of Clarke’s all- time favorites. A statement that she used to describe nearly every song with and Lexa found it so endearing to be near someone so full of life and passion, that she didn’t mind being pushed into a sea of people to dance. In fact, it didn’t even make her nervous or self-conscious, like she had feared back at the hotel, but like being part of Clarke’s joy, like being free and young and careless, when she jumped and twirled and laughed. What they did wasn’t sexy dancing or seductive touching and gazing, it was just – careless and had a kind of innocence that Lexa hadn’t seen of Clarke yet, compared to what her role contained on stage.

Later they were navigating through the streets on a shared journey to their hotels, the glow of street lights bathing them in soft gold, with Lexa hiding her hands in the pockets of her leather jacket while Clarke answered a text message on her phone. All the buzzing of the day had simmered down to a trickling of sounds and a splash of cars and people here and there. A thought made its way to the forefront of Lexa’s mind, just as Clarke let her phone slip back into the pocket of her jeans.

“Hey, Clarke?” she asked when the blonde turned her head towards her with a sweet smile. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yes, of course, what’s up?”

“The day we met – you said that you didn’t have the courage to introduce yourself to me in Amsterdam. I guess, I’m just wondering why. I mean, in the backstage area you are chatting with new people all the time. Is it – do I look – intimidating or something?”

When Clarke snorted in response, she wasn’t exactly sure what to make of it. It was a burning question of hers, to be honest, why Clarke, outgoing confident Clarke, had had reservations about approaching her. It just didn’t fit the pattern.

“Oh, Lexa.” Clarke poked at her shoulder. “I know that you would like to have at least a bit of the badass vibes that Anya has, but – at least to me – you don’t look intimidating at all.”

“What was it then? That held you back?”

Clarke sighed and stopped walking to face Lexa, both of them standing at the edge of the sidewalk, close to the buildings framing the street. “You really want to know?”

“Would I ask if I didn’t?” deadpanned Lexa.

“Okay. Fine.” Clarke reached up to tug a strand of hair behind her ear. “Just because you don’t look intimidating, doesn’t mean I wasn’t intimated by you.”

Clarke pushed herself away from the brick wall she had leant her shoulder against before Lexa could form a reply, continuing to walk in the direction of their hotels and making Lexa catch up in hurried steps.

“I don’t understand what you mean, Clarke.”

Clarke stopped again, her eyes jumping across Lexa’s face for a few seconds, with a fond smile on her lips. She sighed. “Have you looked in a mirror lately? I was crushing on you, dummy.”

“You – oh.” She was shocked for a second then and when her brain had caught up she bit her lip. “Oh! Does that mean... you are crushing on me now, too?”

“If that is okay with you, then yes.”

“That is totally okay with me! Like – so okay.” Her heart was beating furiously in her chest, because she felt so overwhelmed to have someone – to have Clarke (not straight Clarke!) – crush on her. This was everything she had wished for in the last week. And now, that she knew that Clarke was genuinely interested she felt like a weight had been lifted off her body, the consuming fear to make a straight woman uncomfortable just by being a lesbian. It always was a part of her, because society had pressed it onto her for so long, and it felt good to know that she could switch if off with Clarke now. It felt even better to know that the feeling of attraction was mutual.

Clarke smiled at her. “I am glad to hear that.”

“I – I really like you, Clarke.”

“I really like you too, Lexa.”

“I am glad we established that. I was kinda going crazy with figuring out, if we were just, like, friends hanging out.”

“I literally just took you out on a date.”

“Well, how was I supposed to know that, since you didn’t call it a date before?” Lexa asked and then raised her eyebrow, smirking and challenging Clarke.

When Clarke immediately stepped closer, raising an eyebrow, too, and reached out to gently grab the back of Lexa’s left arm, the air literally got stuck in Lexa’s lungs and she was just waiting, breathless, to see what the other girl would do next.

Her heartbeat was all she could hear when Clarke brought her left hand up to cup Lexa’s cheek and leant forward to press their lips together. Lexa exhaled through her nose and hummed a little into the kiss, her lips parting slightly to adjust to the blonde’s lip movements and then, when Clarke leaned back, she just stayed silent expectantly.

Clarke looked like she was contemplating something, then she smiled, patted Lexa’s cheek before letting her hand fall back to her side and said: “Did I now adequately show you that this is a date?”

“If I were to say no, would you kiss me again?”

“Maybe.”

“Then my answer is definitely no.” Lexa grinned and Clarke threw her head back to laugh, before pulling Lexa in by her neck with both hands and kissing her again.

They separated after a while and Clarke hooked her arm with Lexa’s, leaning her head against her shoulder, as they resumed the journey back to their hotels. The smile on Lexa’s face didn’t want to leave and it reflected the joy she felt on her insides. She was slightly confused about how _sure_ she felt about Clarke. There wasn’t an inch of her that doubted how real all of this was and how real she felt when in Clarke’s presence. They just... complemented one another in a way Lexa had rarely experienced with other people before. She didn’t quite know what to make of it, but she knew that she didn’t want to hold back one single bit.

As they rounded the corner that would leave them at the front side of Clarke’s hotel Lexa sighed. “Tonight went by so fast.”

“It did.” They both stopped in front of the entry. “But – “ Clarke continued.

“But?”

“I mean – you could come in? I have a single room. If you want to. Do you want to stay for a bit?” Clarke reached out her hand and offered it to Lexa.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed :) 
> 
> say hi on tumblr: lexa-el-amin.tumblr.com


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